Why are atheists hostile?

I saw this comment on reddit:

"I like to think of myself as a rational person. I'm an engineer by trade, and a practicing Christian. I undstand that's not a popular viewpoint around here, and I can even understand why. I choose to take some things on faith - I don't have emprical data to support it. Furthermore, I can undestand that there are some Christians out there who may be a little (or a lot) off the rocker (Westboro Baptist Church).

If any of you has any questions on Christianity, I'm happy to answer them. I love sharing my beliefs with people, but I understand that not everyone is going to agree with me. I believe that you are wrong, and I would like to share why with you, but if you don't want to hear it, that's OK, I'm not going to try to cram something down your throat, even if it's right. I'm not going to try to tell you being a Christian is mandatory for you to be a good person. Finally, I'm not going to hold you to the Christian moral code.

Now that you know a little about me, I have a very simple question: I disagree with you, but I can tolerate your beliefs and we can get along just fine - even have debates on several points. Why do so many atheists feel the need to be combative with Christians?"

And I responded with the following. I was pretty happy with it, so I've decided to post it here.

""Why do so many atheists feel the need to be combative with Christians?"

For one thing, the fact that you see it this way is a problem. I'm not trying to engage Christians in combat. I'm trying to engage the idea of Christianity in combat.

Why?

Because that is how we decide which ideas are best. We allow our ideas to compete in intellectual combat, and the ideas that don't survive get abandoned, and the ones that do thrive.

I get the feeling that some of what you see as us being combative is actually us doing what we do to ALL ideas.

There is a great story Dawkins likes to tell about a scientist who spent 12 years on his research. Well a younger scientist eventually gave a presentation on why the other scientist was wrong. What was the response from the older scientist? He said "Thank you, for these many years I have been wrong." And the audience applauded.

We see being willing to put your ideas up to scrutiny as a virtue. We see those that question those ideas as virtuous as well.

But I say some of what you see is that for a reason. Some of it isn't. Sometimes we really are fighting you. And there are two primary reasons for this:

1. We will fight when religion seeks to impose itself on us.

2. We will fight when religion causes harm.

And the sad truth is, both are going on almost constantly.

For example, when a Christian group fights for the right to display a nativity scene on public land... then we respond by using the rules that they fought for to put up our own sign... yes, we are fighting. Because your group is spending public money on your religion. You might as well just put a gun to our heads and take the money directly from our wallets.

The second item I think is going to be a source of conflict because it's obvious to me but not obvious to you. Dismissing things like religious wars for now, there is a lot of subtle harm caused by religion. Sexual guilt for example. Telling children that sex is wrong, that they should be ashamed of their bodies. Telling people masturbation is wrong. Or the psychological harm that comes from telling someone they are a "wretch" who deserves hellfire unless they bow down. Or the harm that comes when you pretend that the bible is a "good book" which breeds folk like Fred Phelps who tell the parents of dead soldiers they are burning in hell. I know, you aren't Fred Phelps... but every time you call that book a "good book" you spread the meme that encourages that sort of thinking. Then there is the harm that comes from magical thinking. People waste time and money on faith healers and potions and prayer cards and so on. And those scams are all tolerated because they are labeled "religion." But you also have things like Lordes, the Catholic tourist trap that convinces victims of serious diseases to fly around the world to take a communal bath with 80 million other people with serious diseases and actually lower their survival rates significantly. I could go on and on and on. The philosophy of Jesus is destructive. The theology of Christianity is destructive. These things cost people time and money. They cause strife and suffering. They seek to prevent people who happen to be gay from enjoying whatever sort of marriage they want to have. They hold back scientific progress in favor of mystical nonsense.

I suspect we just aren't going to agree on that one. But if you see us fighting those types of harm, and you ask "What are you fighting for?" The answer is you. We are fighting for you because we detest what your faith has done to you. We have seen our friends and family fall victim to these same ideas, and so yeah, we fight it."

Perhaps I'll clean it up and make it into an essay or something later.

Open-minded.

I was recently talking to a girl, a potential date, and she mentioned she believes in "spirits."

I like to be up-front about these things so I told her I am skeptical about "spirits."

She asked me if I was open-minded on the issue, and I said yes. We continued to talk about it, and eventually she accused me of being closed-minded. This confused me. I said "I'm not... I'm willing to have my mind changed. I'm willing to listen to your evidence... but just because I don't accept it doesn't mean I'm closed-minded."

That ended that conversation.

Today I was talking to another girl, another potential date. This time the topic was adoption. We were talking about kids. I said "I've always wanted to adopt." She said she wanted to give birth. She said she thought adoption was noble, or something like that, but that she didn't want to do it. I said it's what I wanted to do.

Fine, right? Plenty of fish in the sea, no worries, I'm more than willing to move on.

But then she says "I'm willing to be open-minded about adopting, why aren't you open-minded about natural birth?"

I was surprised. Again I said "I am open-minded... I'm willing to listen to anything you have to say on the matter, but none of it has changed my mind so far. That doesn't mean I'm closed-minded, just that you have not convinced me."

She called me an asshole and that was that.

I hear the same thing from theists all the time. They are convinced that god is real... yet they accuse me of being closed-minded. Even though I'm willing to listen to their arguments.

What is the disconnect here? Why is my definition of open-mindedness so different from other people's? Anyone have any idea?